This is the best thing you have written in a long time. Fix the "you're" and make it "your." "You're" is simple a contraction of the phrase "you are." So it wouldn't make much sense in that line. Moreover, I think the last word of the last stanza somehow detracts from this poem. Consider using some word like "sentiments" instead; it still rhymes.

Hmm, although I agree with the changin of 'you're' to 'your' which I still get confused over...lol , I don't quite see the problem with the word essence. To me it represents your soul and in that way it fits in with the hidden side. *shrugs* Just what I thought.
I like it though, reminds me of an older piece I did, but you've managed to carry it out more effectively. Well done

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I wasn't prepared for any of this.

i know that you're is a contraction of you are... i am just a bad typist and make silly mistakes which PEDANTIC people point out JOke.

No thanks for pointing htat out, i'm such a lazy twat i would never have noticed had you not pointed it out.

Um... as for sentiment. I don't think it fits for what i'm trying to say. Essence does seem like a bit of forced rhyming but its a necessary semblance because i feel it works for what i was trying to convey.

As again thaknyou for taking the time to critique my work. I believe you are not a big fan of my rather romantic poetry and lustful stories... Each to his own.

Once again thankyou for the advice and keep up your own good work.

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"Restlessness is always driving me, and i cannot help it" - Charles Dickens.

thanks. And i'm glad you support my use of essence, i rather like it actually *shrugs nervously* i think it works

Take care luv.

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"Restlessness is always driving me, and i cannot help it" - Charles Dickens.

Yeah, I'm not all about the romantic and lustful stuff despite the fact that I'm in a relationship! But I should apologize for this, because it may sometimes cause me to come off harsh and I probably am being harsh, which I don't want to be. Also I'll apologize for the grammar nazi-ing of your stuff... not good form on my part. You keep up your work - I'd rather read it and know that someone knows what she's doing than read the tripe that is out there.

an apology from Lead... omg i'm going to cry

Also i'd just like to put in hear that i really enjoyed your piece "See, Blue Puddles". It was really good.

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"Restlessness is always driving me, and i cannot help it" - Charles Dickens.

Thank you for the compliments. Sometimes haiku can be quite pretty. I hope mine is.

this is really good i liked everything about about it.

man i envy your talent right now.

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~*~M~*~

All you need to do is to follow your heart and BELIEVE!!!


I am a member of :iconharry-potter-club:

by the way i love the pic

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~*~M~*~

All you need to do is to follow your heart and BELIEVE!!!


I am a member of :iconharry-potter-club: